Bill Press: Line up for your free testosterone shot
Hollywood was in trouble, after a steady stream of mindless movies, many of them violent and animated, nobody wanted to see. Things got so bad analysts were predicting the entire studio industry might collapse.
But now Hollywood’s back! With a blockbuster! “The Odyssey” – Christopher Nolan’s epic portrayal of Homer’s 3,000-year-old poem about the long, adventurous return home of Ulysses, following the Trojan War. Believe me, it’s awesome. Superb acting by Matt Damon and Anne Hathaway, among others. Magnificent cinematography. Never a dull moment. Three hours flash by in no time. Go see it tonight. On IMAX if possible.
The challenges confronting Ulysses in his 10-year odyssey home are mind-boggling: the Cyclops; Circe, the woman who turns his soldiers into pigs; an army of giant cannibals; the Sirens; the whirlpool Charybdis and the man-eating rock monster Scylla. Ulysses faces and overcomes them all. Only to return home and single-handedly slay the 30 suitors who’ve been badgering his wife Penelope. We’ve never seen a man of such incredible energy, strength and courage.
But here’s the most amazing part: Ulysses did it all – without being tested for testosterone! Which would probably make the mighty Ulysses unqualified to serve in Pete Hegseth’s Pentagon.
In so many ways, the Trump administration resembles nothing so much as a real-life version of “Saturday Night Live.” Seriously! Turning the beautiful Reflecting Pool into a scum-filled puddle. Starting a war without knowing how to get out of it. Covering the walls of every room in the White House with gold. Refusing to get off the stage after the World Cup finals. Trump may be the funniest SNL character since John Belushi.
But no writer for SNL could come up with a funnier skit than what we saw from Pete Hegseth, the self-appointed “Secretary of War,” last week. Having long complained that today’s military are not “manly enough,” Hegseth announced a new policy requiring every member of the military over 30, both men and women, to be tested once a year for testosterone. If their level was considered low, they’d be offered a voluntary hormone replacement therapy.
His goal, Hegseth declared – yes, he actually used this phrase – was to create “the High-T Department of War.” Why? Because, he said, troops had to be on the “leading edge of lethality.”
If mandatory testosterone testing were nothing but a SNL skit, we could laugh it off. But when that becomes the official policy of the secretary of Defense, with the backing of the president, this must be condemned as the frightening, unscientific and medically dangerous proposal it is. There’s so much wrong with it.
First, Hegseth totally misrepresents what the military’s all about. It’s not meant to be just a giant, killing machine. The Department of Defense itself summarizes its mission as providing the military forces needed to “deter war” – repeat, to “deter” war – and “ensure the nation’s security.”
Second, it totally ignores the changing nature of war. The days when a war will be waged on the ground, going door-to-door in hostile cities, charging up mountains, or fighting mano-a-mano are over. Most military operations today are in the form of missiles or drones, controlled on ships, aircraft, or military bases far from any battlefield.
Third, it’s an insult to the 1.33 million men and women currently on active duty in the military – all of whom, in effect, Hegseth, is accusing of not being “macho” enough. They’re doing a great job, protecting us. Hegseth should support, not belittle, them.
Fourth, it is medically unsound. The body’s quite capable, without Hegseth’s intervention, of managing testosterone levels on its own. Medical experts agree. For men over 40, levels annually drop from 1 percent to 2 percent. Higher testosterone levels don’t necessarily mean more energy, or “killer” instincts. Lower levels don’t necessarily mean weakness.
And, besides, there are serious downsides to consider. Boosting testosterone levels can increase the risk of heart disease or stroke. Plus, after a few months on topical or injectable testosterone, the body stops making its own. Which means men and women would need regular replacement shots. And nobody’s estimated the cost to taxpayers of Hegseth’s folly.
Finally, not to get personal, but isn’t Pete Hegseth the last one to be talking? He dresses and struts like a peacock. He wears more makeup than Dolly Parton. He had a new makeup room created in the Pentagon. He’s by far the least manly-looking member of the Cabinet. Maybe the first person who needs a testosterone shot is him.
(Bill Press is host of The BillPressPod, and author of 10 books, including: “From the Left: My Life in the Crossfire.” His email address is: bill@billpress.com. Readers may also follow him on Twitter @billpresspod and on BlueSky @BillPress.bsky.social.)
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